Title: IT’S NEVER GAME OVER
Author: Cristina G.
Publisher: Independent
Pages: 145 ebook/268 paperback
Genre: Nonfiction/Self-Help
It’s the end of the year but you have the impression it’s the end of
your life?
Start the New Year with a plan. Don’t make a resolution, make a
habit!
Whatever your situation might be now, you have the power to change it.
• Depression can be overcome.
• You can lose weight
and find love.
• You can heal and
transform your life.
Believe you’re happy, and you’re half way there.
ORDER YOUR COPY:
Amazon
It’s over when you die
If change was easy, everybody would do it – I have heard this from several people who made it.
As you might have realised,
all the chapters treated one thing only: humans are all the same, what
differentiates them is ONE single decision: to fight or to surrender. To strive
to change, or to accept what happens to you.
What surprises me the most is
the fact that we all want a better life, without doing the work. I wanted that
too. For 40 years of my existence, I was a spectator in my life. And I cried
when things went from bad to worse. I crawled and bowed my head while I was
telling myself that it was going to be sunny on my road too, one day. I thought
it would happen because I was a good person. The truth is that we are all good
until we take the decision not to be good anymore. And this might happen at any
time in our existences. It could occur when we are just a baby. It could happen
with or without our knowledge.
I knew I had to change for
more than 15 years. If you reach thirty and you feel like you never lived, then
it is definitely the time to change. I tried many times, but the fact I didn’t
succeed means that I wasn’t serious about it.
If the change doesn't occur in
a very long period of time despite many efforts it is either because you are
doing something wrong or not enough. Change strategy after you did your best to
follow one without a break. Adapt and keep working on yourself. Don’t give up.
It’s not the strategy that is useless, you are doing it wrong.
We have seen people who are
not smart being extremely prosperous.
“I don’t have the looks.” –
How many actors, models who don’t look that good, quite the contrary, are
incredibly successful? Why do you think is that? Because they were born to get
what they wanted in life?
We were all born to get what
we want in life, but we are weak and don’t do the work. These people did
everything in their power to be in movies. To play the role of their lives.
They didn’t stop at anything. They woke up at 4 am, went to the gym, then
knocked on every door they found. When they were turned down, they knocked
again, and again, and again until someone opened and let them in. Most people
give up at the first try, “It was so humiliating. They didn’t even look at me.
I can’t go through this again.”
If you think that after a few
attempts, of course you give up. I felt that when I gave up. I cried like a
baby in the corner of a room and swore I would never embarrass myself in front
of anyone again. But when at forty I realised there was no other way, I started
doing what those who made it do. With the mentality I had, the sensitivity, the
sense of guilt, it was impossible to get anywhere. I had to make a paradigm
shift first. And it wasn’t easy. If for 40 years you are a victim, taking life
in your own hands triggers a war inside you. Mind, body, and soul in conflict
for 24 hours a day is utterly exhausting. That’s why most of us don’t stick
with the decision to change. Surviving is easy, living is an endless tussle.
Everybody wants to have an
easy life. We would love to sit all day long, watching TV or walking around,
having someone to serve us while we swim in luxury. Some of you will contest
this with vehemence, “I don’t want to walk around, I want to have a job I love,
money to travel, a family to love me. I want to have a purpose.”
Well, if you really want that,
you go and make it happen. Humans flew to the moon. That was impossible,
changing is not that risky and definitely not that expensive. If I can do it,
everyone can do it. After 2 years of holding on to my decision to change my
thoughts in order to transform my life, I am still having troubles breathing.
Like right now. And the reason for this is that I am doing something my body
doesn’t like to do, insisting on believing I can live one day on my own terms.
Everything in my body screams, ‘Give up, you fool. You have a good job that
allows you to pay the bills. What else do you want? Many would love to be in
your position. Sit back and relax. That’s what most people do.
You don’t have to fight
against yourself. You have a destiny that will be fulfilled no matter what; Why do you make everything so complicated?
You’ll never make it;
Just who do you think you are?
Have you forgotten you were born a Romanian farmer? Have you forgotten that you
have little education?
Succumb and settle like
everybody else. Marry the first bloke who proposes to you and accept the fact
you’ll fight against one another daily. Just like everybody else. No one is
perfect. Accept the fact you will hate listening to his constant laments about
the weather, not enough money to spend on Friday nights and holidays. Accept
the fact he will betray you on every occasion. That he will have imaginary sex
with every woman (or man), he sets his eyes on. Porn actresses, singers,
models, strangers who look so glamorous in pictures;
That’s how life goes for
everyone. You can’t beat that. You are no one. Your life means nothing. You are
one of the 7.5 billion. Nothing less and nothing more. Eat your breakfast, go
to work, come home, and walk around until the next day. A regular life doesn’t
require too much effort. Give up the fight. Aren’t you worn out already?’
You might feel the same, and I
am sorry. Nobody has to fight if they are happy with their lives. If you don’t
complain about your current situation, you don’t have to do anything other than
what you’ve done until now. But if your day is characterised by endless
laments, resentment, envy, jealousy, a sense of emptiness, gloominess, and
despondency, then you must consider making a shift in your paradigm. You need
to sacrifice, compromise, commit, sweat, believe in yourself and persevere when
you are turned down over, and over, and over again. Everything has to change:
The way you sleep, drink, eat,
walk, speak;
What you listen to or watch;
Your friends, interests,
hobbies;
You need to give your time the
value it merits;
You have to cherish struggle,
rejection, defeat;
You need to force yourself to
look in the mirror and see a worthy human being who can do anything!
You already knew everything you just read,
right? Then why don’t you put it into practice? What’s stopping you? Who’s
stopping you? If you feel like you are not going anywhere, why don’t you make
the shift?
Dr Wayne Dyer used to say that we can’t force
the shift. But others say exactly the opposite. I think that if we wait, it
might take three lives until it happens. And from what I know, and everyone can
prove it, we only have one life, and it is now, not after! If I had to wait for
the shift to occur, I wouldn’t have written anything.
The internet and the libraries are full of
amazing books, articles, movies that could help you shape your destiny. You
read, watch them all even or especially if you disagree with the author
or the idea. Invest as much time possible into educating yourself. When the
moment comes, you have to be ready. You just need to take the decision to
become whoever or whatever you want to be. Then you have to work hard to
convince your body to follow the mind’s directions.
Are you contemplating death as
the only solution to your struggles? I am the most entitled person that could
understand you. I have been thinking of taking my life since I was just a
child. A few months before
turning forty, I was on the floor in my room, looking in a mirror and thinking
the time was right to do what I have been thinking for the previous 39 years. I
looked back and saw only misery, the present was dark, and the future seemed
even worse. I was tired of fighting, I couldn’t take anymore. I was upset,
angry, disappointed. I had nothing but sorrow. There was no point insisting. I
thought the universe had already decided. However, I didn’t want to throw shame
upon my family, so I spent a few weeks searching for the easiest and safest way
to take my life without the evidence of suicide. But I haven’t trained my mind
to think criminally, so I came up with nothing. All the ideas that I gathered
weren’t bulletproof. In the past, I was a fan of The Mentalist, Lie
to me, Dexter (for a few seasons) and several others TV serials on the same
theme. I knew they would discover my intervention. I couldn’t risk it. I
imagined the titles of newspapers and online articles. They looked dreadful.
Then I thought of those who truly cared about me. They were not doing well either,
was it fair ignoring their feelings? Was it fair to bring upon them other
reasons to suffer?
So one day, I stared at my
image in the mirror and told myself out loud the following: ‘It’s your life, if
you don’t like it, you are free to make it over with. But just before you do
that, give your best shot to change it. You’ve attempted it before but gave up
before it happened. This is your last chance. You do whatever it takes. If in 5
years your opinion remains unaltered, then it’s over. You’d know you did your
best and it wasn’t supposed to happen.’
The rest is history. After I had taken this
ultimate decision – about which I am writing in detail in a new memoir – I
realised that before I wasn’t serious about changing. I have waited for
something to fall from the sky because I was a good person. I was expecting the
shift that Dr Wayne Dyer spoke about. No, I wasn’t expecting it, I was
demanding it because I thought I deserved it. Now, I am making the
shift, and I am guiding it. Baby steps.
If you are planning a suicide,
then the first thing you should do is get help from an organisation like the Samaritans – https://www.samaritans.org.
The only suggestion I can make
is that you give your best shot before playing your last card. You invest
absolutely everything: time, money, focus, energy for at least 2 years into
transforming your life. Take time off from everything and everyone. You are
already dead, it won’t matter. But you must do it in this life, and you must do
it alone. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it. The power is in your
hands. You truly are the master of your thoughts. You might not believe in you,
but I do.
Do you know why? Because I am
100% certain that you can do it. But you must plunge into this project 100%.
Not 90 or 99 but 100. With no breaks and no second thoughts. If you really want
to change, if you are so fed up with your empty life, you listen and follow the
steps others made before you.
It’s not easy at all. If it
was everybody would change, and nobody would be so depressed all the time. But
if you start, you go until the end.
I have heard many teenagers
saying with anger, “I don’t need you to tell me what to do. Let me make
mistakes so I can learn from experience.” Except they never learn and blame
their parents for not pushing them more.
No more wasting time with
people and situations that drag you down;
No more sad songs, silly
movies that make you temporarily forget your problems. These are like alcohol,
when they are over, you go back to your desolation;
No more listening to the news,
no more watching shallow shows on TV, playing the Xbox as forms of distraction.
If you don’t give up at all
these, you won’t step out of your misery. There is no way that you attend a
motivational seminar then go to back to your TV, social networks, gaming,
expecting those 2 hours to be enough to make you change.
As I said, I tried many times
but gave up thinking it was no use. “No, nothing works. I am a lost cause. Too
broken to be fixed. There is no point insisting.”
I didn’t manage to change
because I capitulated too soon. Because I expected the change to occur
instantly or in a few months.
Let me ask you something, “If
it took you 20-30-40 years of your existence to become such a wreck, how can
you expect to fix that in a few months of trying?”
Everything is broken inside
you. You are full of wounds. Your mind is shattered. Your heart is bleeding. It
will take time to cure all these. Convalescence is necessary. Unorthodox
methods are your best bet.
I used to think I was smart,
strong, reasonable, and open-minded. But I wasn’t very humble as I despised
neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), motivational speakers, bold and hard to
understand beliefs. I actually said a few times that NLP is for losers. Like I
wasn’t one...
I used to feel sick at the
idea of wasting my time with positive affirmations and subliminal messages. But
when the vicissitude of life pushed me to the ground for the umpteenth time and
let me no escape, I had to make a supreme choice. The greatest of my life. I
was one single second away from cutting my veins when the idea of change
spurred into my mind. ‘If others were able to rise from their ashes, why not me
too?’ The moment I took the decision to change, I gave up everything else. I
fumbled and fell numerous times, but I refused to go back.
So I took my laptop and started the ultimate
search for my lost soul. The final battle. ‘If people say that subliminal
messages help, who am I to say the opposite? Look at me, I am crawling,
suffocating from crying, submerged in pain and responsibilities that shouldn’t
even be mine. I need help. Nothing worked in the past, so a change in strategy
is an absolute must.’
Of course I didn’t really expect
it to take that long and to be such an arduous process. I used to think and say
that listening to subliminal positive affirmations is absolutely ridiculous. I
was disgusted when I heard that many people waste their time with this useless
activity. I couldn’t even conceive of such a thing. ‘I could tell myself these
words. But that won’t make them true. I know I am not worthy. Although I am a
good person and quite intelligent, I am not that intelligent. There
isn’t anything extraordinary about me. I know I am not really strong. The only
reason I am still alive is that I am the ultimate coward, I can’t take my own
bloody life! Why should I lie to myself? How in hell could this nonsense help
me transform my appalling existence? Terribly ludicrous, pathetic, and stupid!’
However, I forced myself to do
it. My first step was to buy stickers with positive messages. “If you can dream
it, you can do it!” – Walt Disney – that type, all clichés. My eyes hurt when I
looked at them. I felt so childish! My mind retaliated it with violence, ‘You
can’t even dream, how the hell are you supposed to do it then?’
Then I started writing what I
thought I wanted to happen in my life. Many influential people in the world did
this. So, I began waking up 1 hour earlier every morning and made a list of my
desires. Then I wrote them as if they were already there, ‘I am a happy,
positive and accomplished writer. My stories are appreciated around the globe.
And so on.’ Pages and pages with the same words over and over and over again. I
was terrified at the idea that someone might discover them and call a
psychiatrist who would put me in a straightjacket.
Then I followed (still) the
ritual of reading them out loud first thing in the morning and before going to
bed. Every day. I am still doing it because 40 years of miserable paradigm
can’t be overwritten in 2 years.
Listening to positive messages
was even harder. My body rejected the idea with violence, my mind was literally
bleeding, my face was covered in tears, my back in cold sweat. At that moment I
understood what torture feels like. But when it’s inflicted on you by others
while your hands and legs are tied up to a chair, you can’t do much. When this
agony is your decision, bloody hell it feels infinitely worse!
All successful people
recommend the use of positive affirmations daily, you check. At first I
registered my voice reading out loud words of encouragement, praise,
compliments, and so on. I also made a list of all my accomplishments I never
really considered as such. I listened to them when I walked to and from work
(50+50 minutes).
This made me feel so pathetic,
but I didn’t give up. I downloaded positive affirmations recited by strangers
and focused on them. Every fibre in my body was aching. My mind rejected them
with ferocity, ‘What is wrong with you? You know it’s not true. It will never
happen;
Based on your experiences,
your destiny is to suffer in eternity;
You are cursed. Nobody
believes in you. You don’t believe in yourself. Give me a break, you
can’t be a writer, you are a farmer!
You can’t do that. You can’t
do anything. Stop fighting against fate. Nobody ever won this battle. You are
not strong enough;
Who will read your stories?
Just who do you think you are?
You are not an erudite, you
have no expertise;
So what if you speak three
languages, people are fluent in seven, twelve, or even fifteen;
Give up already. Stop fooling
yourself. The universe has no power. There is no such a thing as positive
vibrations;
People will step on your
dignity again. They will wash the floor with your human essence. They will push
you to the ground and spit on your work. They will mock and denigrate you. They
will call you delusional and arrogant. They will laugh at your pain. They will
invent anything to destroy you. You know this already. You know how it feels.
Do you really want to torture yourself again? Are you a masochist or just
terribly stupid?
You are losing your mind, go
to a psychiatrist;
Nobody will publish your
books. Your life story is just a story. Nothing extraordinary about it. You are
not Victor Hugo. You will never write like Thomas Hardy. You are an amateur,
and there are millions like you. How are you planning on getting noticed when
the competition is so ferocious? Are you sure you can swim in this sea of
sharks? They will take your money and bury you in shame;
You make me feel sick. So what
if you are elegant and can walk in high heels? It’s nothing to be proud of. How
are these helping you? You can’t defy ageing. It’s too late. Look how old and
ugly you are. Nobody loves you. Nobody wants you;
You are too sensitive for this
world. A crier, a servant, a follower, not a leader;
Just kill yourself and make it
over with. The world would be a better place without you.’ And the list could
continue indefinitely.
5 months of persecution from
these and many other terrible beliefs and behaviours – nature – resulted in
tangible improvements in my thinking patterns. My confidence started to build
up. I stopped crying so often. I gave a different meaning to my struggling. And
most importantly, I slowly started believing that becoming a writer was
possible.
I think it was then when I
realised that most people use their ignorance as an excuse to not do anything
extraordinary in this life. Most of us are offended when someone calls us
stupid. But it turns out that this is our defence against change. The perfect
pretext not to try anything. Ignorance is a shield behind which those who don’t
want to do much in this world hide.
But we all know that “No
man is his craft’s master the first day.” If we sit all day long watching
TV shows, films and serials, we will never enhance our knowledge, right? If we
listen to songs that praise humiliation, loss, discrimination, pain, gloominess
we will not feel inspired to get out of misery, will we? We resonate with those
negative feelings, and we feel understood somehow. We chose infantile
distractions on purpose.
Almost 2 years after, I am
still listening to subliminal messages and positive affirmations daily. I know
that if I stop now, or take a break, the risk to go back to my miserable life
is tremendous. I listen to them when I sleep, when I walk to work and back,
when I clean the house, while I write and study (at a very low volume in the
background).
I also still listen to
audiobooks that treat this subject. All the free audio books on YouTube were
heeded by me at least once. From each of them, I learnt something. Some of them
became my bible, and I access them once a week, a few daily. Many people are
convinced that reading a book once is enough to acquire the meaning of it. What
I am doing taught me that if an idea gives you the chills, then you should
listen to it – or read it if you prefer – as often as possible. Especially when
you are in this process of mental – life – transformation. I prefer the
audiobooks because I can do other things while listening. However, I know that
perusing something written on a piece of paper might have a stronger impact on
you. You choose. If I were twenty, I would have, most certainly, chosen the
paperback versions.
The reason one should insist
on watching, reading, listening to something positive ad infinitum is that we
change even without noticing and some things we might have ignored in the past
might become incredibly powerful and effective.
There is a motivational
speaker I listen to first thing in the mornings: Les Brown. His talks sound
different from one week to another.
Bob Proctor was the first one
I listened to, and he promulgates a unique set of principles. I was so
frustrated and upset because I didn’t like much his philosophies. I remember
watching his seminars and crying from exasperation. I was incredibly conflicted
and had tough times accepting or agreeing with him. I forced myself so badly
that at some point I thought that I will die from too strong feelings of
controversy. The Law of Vibration sounded very appealing, and that’s
what I acquired from him.
Then I moved to the next
motivational speaker, Louise Hay. You can heal your life resonated with
me so much that I listened to absolutely everything I found with and about her.
Then I discovered Eckhart Tolle, “What
a liberation to realise that the voice in my head is not who I am. Who am I
then? The one who sees that.”
From him, I moved to everyone
else suggested by YouTube and Google based on my researches. I literally
plunged mind, body and soul into the search for my true essence. I fought
against my thoughts, impulses, arrogance, scepticisms, cynicism, pessimism
disguised in realism. 24 hours a
day for several months I invested into getting to know and accept unbelievable
theories propagated by extraordinary human beings like the ones mentioned above
and many, many others. I can’t even remember all their names. You do research,
and once you start, you won’t have time for anything else. The amount of
self-help is infinite. Only one who doesn’t want to change, can’t find this
priceless. Don’t be arrogant and think you know better. Unless, of course, you
are happy with your current situation. All right? Nobody is required to change
something they are pleased with. I hope you have understood this by now.
But if you complain, my
suggestion is: The earlier you start, the faster you can transform your life
entirely.
***
Of course, among these great people, I also came
across despicable creatures who vaunt themselves and have great success on
YouTube. One guy, for example, very detestable looking, teaches the art of
manipulation (among other abhorrent topics). I was utterly disgusted by all his
lessons. I spent like 5 hours in one day watching and listening to him. I was
mesmerised by depravation. I really couldn’t believe that such a repugnant
being could get so many followers and views. However, that’s when I gathered
that if his distasteful concepts can be accepted, my style has a market too. In
the end, he gave me hope.
So you see, you can learn
something good from anyone. I so wish I had learnt that from a nice person, not
from a big-headed brute with whom I randomly collide in my nightmares.
When I didn’t watch motivational
seminars, I listened to subliminal messages and encouraging affirmations in
which I never trusted. I had such a repulsion towards all this sort of new age
therapy that I can’t even explain in words. Until I turned forty, I was
convinced that positive thinking was a bullshit notion sold to gullible and
uninformed humans. How ashamed I am now it’s hard to describe. So much
camouflaged arrogance in my old beliefs.
Although Bob Proctor is not in
my top five favourites, he is the one who opened my eyes and initiated me on
the tricky path of paradigm transformation. I totally believe in the Law of
Vibration being linked to the Law of Attraction. I will always be grateful.
Again, you might not like an
idea or a person, but you can still change if you are fed up with your current
situation. From my own experience, I gathered that one has to be at the nadir
of their existence in order to want and force the change. Curious is the fact
that I hit rock bottom quite a few times in my life and have strived for happiness
since I was a child, yet it took me 40 years to move into the same direction of
the wind of change.
Some people take the decision
to change their lives at an early age. I really don’t know what drove them, but
they have my admiration.
Changing takes time. Success
takes time. Nothing happens overnight while we sleep. We would like that very
much, isn’t it? I know I would. Without discipline, consistency, resilience,
grit, determination, self-esteem, we are a ship adrift. Don’t be a victim of
destiny, unless that’s your goal that makes you happy.
Nobody can force you to change
or to become successful, these have to be your free choices. If you are happy
with your situation, don’t do anything, changing is not required. You know
what’s best for you. But if you are weary and contemplate death as the only
escape, don’t give up life before having invested at least 2 years of your
existence into shifting your paradigm.
Victimism, drama, guilt don’t
serve you any good. Move away from these. Don’t succumb to negativity and
sufferance. There is always another way.
Choose living instead of
surviving. Believe you can do it and you are halfway there.
Remember that we are what we
think we are.
Book Trailer:
Cristina G. was born in Romania during
one of the harshest communist regimes that ever existed.
The tenth child of a farmer’s family, she has six sisters and used to
have four brothers, now only two.
Aged eight, she read Les Misérables by
Victor Hugo and fell irremediably in love with books. Since then she kept
dreaming of writing for many years, and she wrote a lot, but never thought of
publishing.
In 2012, after living in Italy for ten
years, Cristina became a blogger.
In June of 2014, with the help of a British friend, she moved to the UK. Here,
although her expectations were not great, Cristina fulfilled the dream she
never dared to dream before.
Cristina G. is now a registered author and dedicates her life to
writing focusing on human behaviour, emotions and feelings.
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