Tales from Suburbia
by Brandi
Haas
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Received for an honest review*
This book will make you laugh and look at your own children and think back on some of the things that they have done. Make you think back of all the crazy things you have experienced yourself as a mother. When I started reading this book, I wasn't sure what to expect but I will say one thing I sure didn't expect to laugh as much as I did. It's a great read!
*Received for an honest review*
This book will make you laugh and look at your own children and think back on some of the things that they have done. Make you think back of all the crazy things you have experienced yourself as a mother. When I started reading this book, I wasn't sure what to expect but I will say one thing I sure didn't expect to laugh as much as I did. It's a great read!
BLURB:
Brandi
Haas brings her trademark wit from her popular blog to this new collection,
sharing stories of birthday party mayhem, mommy martyrdom, and snow shoveling
majesty.
The setting is
Anytown, USA, among barking dogs, picket fences, and eclectic neighbors. You
don't have to be crazy to live here, but it helps!
Tales from Suburbia
will make you laugh, warm your heart, and let you know you're not alone.
Mothers (and fathers) will recognize themselves, their children, and the absurd
situations that family life brings to us all.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
EXCERPTS
CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN OF DEATH
I seldom fall
victim to Pinterest, but on this rare occasion, I looked at pictures of tea
parties for little girls. The cuteness was almost overwhelming. My daughter
loved the idea, which only fueled my enthusiasm. Even my husband was not immune
to the excitement and he quickly joined in with the planning.
“How about a
chocolate fountain?” he asked with a smile.
Chocolate
flowing from an exquisite fountain sitting in the center of a beautifully
decorated table. What could possibly go wrong with that, I thought.
“That’s a great idea, honey!” I exclaimed
and began a painstaking search of Amazon for the perfect chocolate-oozing
birthday party accessory.
What I
envisioned as six little girls daintily dipping strawberries and chunks of
pound cake into flowing chocolate ended up being the worst idea ever conceived.
The chocolate fountain itself turned out to be a poorly-constructed, steel and
plastic contraption spewing chocolate out of tiered orifices while making a
grinding noise that sounded a lot like a sixteen-year-old learning to drive a
stick shift.
A deranged
group of six-year-olds hovered around the fountain clutching sharpened sticks
in their hands ready to impale fruits, marshmallows and my husband’s inconveniently placed hand. But the
worst was the double dipping. I watched as kid after kid shoved a strawberry
into the chocolate, took a small bite, then thrust the bacteria-infested berry
back into the chocolate. I was certain that a new outbreak of dysentery was
about to sweep through our neighborhood because of this wretched chocolate
fountain. I could almost hear the accusatory whispers, “Isn’t that the lady who gave all the kids
on Tawny Drive diarrhea for a month? Yes, if she offers you chocolate, run
away.”
AUTHOR Bio and Links:
In
kindergarten, I was asked what I wanted to do when I grew up. My answer was a
neatly written sentence: “I want to write a book about a story.”
The joy I
find in writing has never waned. I find humor in all that I see and live my
life secure in the knowledge that everything is funny. And now after an amazing
ten years of teaching, I find myself wife to the world’s best doctor, mother to
the sweetest daughter, caretaker to one wonder mutt and countless ill-fated
goldfish and ready to write again. Our residence is Anytown, USA, among barking
dogs, picket fences, and eclectic neighbors and these are my stories.
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